Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So drunk its hurt
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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