My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
