don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Green mimosas i think yes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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