forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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