its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
home. puking in laundry basket.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
