my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
