I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
