Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This baby is an asshole
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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