shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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