ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
