also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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