I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
