I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
