weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
