she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
