Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
