One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
