I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
