Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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