question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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