is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
