My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
