No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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