i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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