Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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