Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
