When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
