Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
