i already hear my dad disowning me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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