i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm drive I can fine osifer
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
