How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
