I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
