Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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