i just wanna soil my oats bro
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
