She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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