you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My vagina is very pro this idea
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
