the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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