I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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