Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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