You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
