I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
