Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm too high and old for this...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
