Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
