you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
