So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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