I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Randomize
