He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
BRING THE BAGELS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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