before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
