Michael Bay diarrhea
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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