my mouth tastes like poor choices
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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